Hey Hun!

Happy Summer. It’s been awhile since we’ve talked. The last few months have been really challenging. I have felt really exhausted and been frustrated with myself for not being on top of this newsletter, but ironically allowing myself to feel that way without judgment has led me to realize how much I was neglecting being self-compassionate, and just how much of a difference it can make. So, that’s what I want to talk about with you today; how self-compassion is the antidote for burnout.

Burnout is a state of extreme exhaustion resulting from a prolonged state of overwhelming stress. This exhaustion shows up physically, mentally and emotionally. Burnout is typically experienced in relation to one’s work but it can be caused by pushing through any form of stress for an extended period of time. In 2019, burnout was categorized as a global health concern when the World Health Organization added the condition to the International Classification of Diseases. The three core symptoms of burnout are:

1. Exhaustion

   1. A chronic sense of emotional, mental and physical depletion that is not improved by short periods of rest

2. Feeling incompetent or ineffective

   1. A sense that your effort is not corresponding to the results you are seeing. You are working hard, but not seeing the intended change.

3. Depersonalization

   1. A sense of detachment and emotional/mental disinvestment from responsibilities, relationships, hobbies etc.

Burnout can show up as a sense of hopelessness or feeling like the things you do are pointless. It can also show up as cynicism, and inability to feel joy, and a sense of disconnection. Self-compassion is the ultimate antidote for burnout because it addresses each of the three main symptoms developed as a result of burnout. Dr. Kristin Neff has spearheaded the science of self-compassion and says that it is based on three pillars:

1. Self-Kindness

   1. Offering yourself unconditional acceptance, gentleness and open curiosity instead of judgement and criticism

2. Common Humanity

   1. Validating that you are a human and it is natural for you to make mistakes, fail, suffer, and feel insecure without blaming yourself for these realities or identifying them as individualized realities

3. Mindfulness

   1. Paying attention to your thoughts and emotions even when they are uncomfortable instead of suppressing, avoiding, or getting consumed by them.

Self-compassion is an emotional resource that we can offer ourselves. Neuroscience has shown that treating yourself with warmth and tenderness during challenges impacts your nervous system the same way receiving warmth and tenderness from a loved one would. This is because self-compassion triggers the release of oxytocin and endorphins and engages the parts of your brain that are connected to reward and safety. Oxytocin is one of the main hormones circulated throughout our bodies when our mammalian care system is activated, this system turns off the “fight-or-flight” stress response and turns on the “rest-and-digest” response. So, let’s dive into how burnout impacts our health, and how self-compassion can heal us.

Body

Because burnout is a result of being in a state of prolonged stress, it comes with a slew of physical systems. When you experience stress, your body is flooded with hormones like cortisol and adrenaline to mobilize you to take action. When your body stays in these flooded states for extended periods of time, the prolonged exposure to stress hormones disrupts your system as a whole. Burnout can weaken your immune system, disrupt digestion, cause physical fatigue, dysregulate sleep patterns and quality and more.

Self-compassion heals the physical symptoms of burnout by addressing the effects of chronic stress. Self-compassion activates the body’s mammalian care system which increases the hormones of oxytocin and endorphins in the body, and decreases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Practicing self-compassion also strengthens “vagal tone.” Vagal tone refers to the activity of the vagus nerve which is the main component of the parasympathetic nervous system responsible for involuntary body functions like heart rate. Strong vagal tone is associated with a more efficient ability to recover from the effects of stress.

I want to emphasize, though, that when I talk about self-compassion I don’t just mean forcing yourself to think more positively, or getting frustrated with your inner critic, or just trying harder to accept the logical arguments for self-acceptance. Self-compassion is about directing a genuine feeling of love and acceptance towards yourself. This really clicked for me when I did a meditation that prompted me to think of someone I really loved and then direct that feeling towards myself. I thought of my niece who is three, and the way I love her without her needing to earn it or prove why she deserves it. Directing this feeling towards myself connected me with my inherent worthiness of a sense of love. That’s when self-compassion felt meaningful.

Mind

The persistent stress caused by burnout literally reshapes brain function and structure. The areas of the brain that are responsible for memory and focus are particularly impacted. This can create a state of brain fog that doesn’t seem to ever really clear completely. It can be more difficult to complete basic tasks, make decisions, or truly take in new information. Changes in the brain as a result of stress, can also disrupt sleep patterns, only exacerbating the other challenges associated with memory, focus, and mental sharpness.

In increasing oxytocin and turning on the brain’s mammalian care system, and turning off the fight-flight response and reducing stress hormones, self-compassion allows the reversal of the impacts of stress on the brain and calms the amygdala allowing the logical, decision-making part of the brain to fully come back online. Self-compassion also decreases activity in the default mode network–the part of our brain responsible for self-criticism and rumination, and practiced over time increases grey matter in the areas of the brain responsible for empathy, making self-compassion a more automatic and natural response.

Heart

The exhaustion caused by burnout shows up emotionally as a deep sense of feeling emotionally drained and an inability to feel refreshed. As numbness or flatness and struggling to experience joy. It is also very common to feel cynical, a sense of your effort being ineffective and emotionally disconnected from one’s work, responsibilities or relationships. You may also experience a shorter temper, higher irritability and trouble regulating your emotions. Left untreated, symptoms of burnout can spiral into persistent anxiety and depression.

Self-compassion allows you to give yourself the space to rest emotionally. You may feel like simply doing nothing. You can give yourself the permission to simply lay down when you can and by reframing from self judgment and instead extending compassion to yourself, the release of oxytocin in the brain will actually reverse the emotional blunting that becomes necessary during burnout. Your sense of joy and connection will naturally reemerge. The oxytocin released by self-compassion also strengthens the areas of the brain responsible for emotional regulation, reversing the symptoms of disregulation.

Spirit

When I think about a state of burnout affecting someone at the level of their spirit I think of them being impacted with regards to how they make sense of the world. The story they tell themselves about life. When this story is based in a disposition of stress, life becomes a matter of survival. We see threats where there could be connection and opportunity and our growth becomes restricted. Chronic stress makes it difficult to feel safe in the world, and when we do not feel safe we also struggle to feel seen. Instead of feeling alive, we feel a dull emptiness inside.

Treating ourselves with compassion, deciding to practice the belief that we are worthy of our own love and acceptance unconditionally begins to unravel this world view that is based on a chronic sense of stress. Growth and evolution become inevitable again and we feel deeply reconnected to life as a whole.

Burnout is a very painful state to reach. Ignored, it can morph into even more harmful situations. If you find yourself resonating with any of the symptoms you read here, I hope this newsletter can give you the permission to at the very least acknowledge the challenge that you are going through without judgment or criticism. Very often we cannot immediately change our circumstances, sometimes there is not much we can do at all. Despite that, giving yourself kind and empathetic attention in response to the challenge will literally be good for your health and has a good chance of helping you see options that you might be missing right now.

If you have been able to remove the main stressor that caused burnout for you, know that recovering takes time. Likely longer than you’d prefer. Be patient with yourself, you have time. We all need time to rest, we all have seasons of being. Give yourself space, you will feel like yourself again soon enough.

Healing Seedling

Practicing mindful self-compassion through meditation can be a really great way to start developing the mental muscle of self-compassion. It may take some experimenting to find one that really resonates with you. Here’s a quick guided meditation from Dr. Kristin Neff for starters.
If meditation isn’t your thing, you can also experiment with this self-compassion journal exercise for a week. You can find instructions for this activity here, also from Dr. Kristin Neff.

Happy Healing

XO,

The Healing Garden

It’s that time of year again. The month of – amongst other things – love. There’s a wide range of emotions this time of year can bring up. If you’re single or in an uncertain situationship you might feel longing and frustration. The national celebration of love can force reflection on where you’re currently at in your love life and if that is far from where you’d like to be, it can feel like a reminder that you’ll never achieve the love you desire.

Rather than talk about dating, or finding the person you’re looking for, I want to talk about the relationship that is the foundation for all others – romantic or otherwise – your relationship with yourself. I want to focus on self love because if your relationship, or lack thereof, feels dissatisfying, or your search feels demoralizing there’s a good chance that the relationship you have with yourself is a part of the reason why.

The relationship you have with yourself is the most important and longest one of your entire life. You’ve probably heard it said, that we accept the love we think we deserve, and it’s true. How you feel about yourself dictates everything from the opportunities you pursue, to how happy you feel on a daily basis, to finding satisfying love and being able to give it. So many of the things that go wrong in relationships or during dating can be traced back to a lack of self love. Sticking with someone you know isn’t right for you, being overly flexible with boundaries, inability to trust your partner longterm. So increasing self-love can make it easier to identify and maintain healthy romantic love. At the same time, acting in a loving way on our own behalf means that we aren’t just the ones doing the loving, but we also experience being loved. So, if you want to feel more loved and more able to accept healthier love, being more intentional about how you treat yourself is a great way to do it!

My hope is that overtime, developing more self love can take some of the sting out of not yet having the romantic relationship of your dreams, and that this journey can be a deeper source of warmth and satisfaction in your life regardless of your relationship status. So, let’s chat about how to develop and practice more self love and deepen the relationship you have with yourself.

Body

When it comes to your body or your physical environment there are a number of ways you can practice showing yourself more love. Some of my favorites are: breaking a bad habit (or starting a new one) – something as simple as making your bed every morning or maintain a consistent morning and night routine can increase how grounded and cared for you feel – or buying myself something I need, that will bring me comfort or that will genuinely improve my life. I’m not advocating for consumption for consumption’s sake here. But I am advocating for using your money as a tool to improve your life. If there’s something broken or rundown in your life that you need to replace, it’s an act of self love to do so. You might not even realize small inconveniences you brush over in everyday life – a constantly disorganized bathroom counter, gym clothes that are functional but you don’t actually feel great in – pay a bit more attention, improving even a small area of your daily life can feel like a hugely kind thing to do for yourself.

Mind

To be more loving to yourself on a mental level, I can’t stress the importance of self-compassion. Being self-compassionate is so much easier said than done, and I think so many of us don’t even realize how mean we are to ourselves. How cruel or unforgiving our internal dialogue can be. A great way to start being more self-compassionate in your internal dialogue is to talk about yourself in the 3rd person. It may feel a bit strange, but it can help you be aware of what your internal voice sounds like. Try to evaluate your thoughts and feelings through the lens of how you would treat someone that you love dearly and feel very tender towards. Another approach is to imagine when you are speaking to yourself that you are speaking to your child self.

Everyday life expects and demands a lot from us, we are trained to believe that if we are gentle with ourselves we will not survive or succeed. But this is just a story we’ve been told and it isn’t true. When we nurture things with care and gentleness, they grow, they thrive. We are no different.

Heart

The next idea that I want to suggest for deepening self love is to practice being more present with yourself and enjoying your own company. I realized recently that when I spend time with other people I am mostly content to just enjoy their company. But when I am alone I mostly focus on how I can improve as a person or things I want to change.

Maybe you don’t even like to be alone with yourself. Maybe you always need some sort of media to stimulate you. That’s totally understandable. Learning to spend time with ourselves can be scary, because it’s intimate, it’s vulnerable. And maybe you were socialized to dislike or even hate yourself (we’ll talk about that more in the next section), so spending time with yourself can feel threatening. But this is something you can unlearn.

If you have a hard time spending time with yourself right now, start small. Decrease the amount of external stimulation you allow yourself gradually, and as you get comfortable begin exploring when in your life you learned to disconnect from yourself. By beginning to ask yourself these questions, you can unpack the feelings and thoughts over time and by acknowledging them you will be able to change the story you were given and heal.

If you are comfortable being alone with yourself but don’t necessarily enjoy your time alone, challenge yourself to go on a solo date every now and then – maybe once a month or once a week. It may feel like work in the beginning, but relationships require consistent and intentional effort. Imagine if you had a friend but you all never went out and had any fun together. You wouldn’t feel very close to that person, or like the relationship was very warm. It’s the same for a relationship you have to yourself.

Spirit

Lastly, I want to talk about self-intimacy. Heidi Priebe describes self-intimacy as “being present with yourself in your undefended state,” a state in which you don’t feel the need to distort or disconnect from your authentic thoughts and emotions. Self-intimacy is important because we weren’t designed to constantly be on guard emotionally and psychologically. We need healthy relationships in order to thrive as individuals and the more you struggle with self-intimacy, the more you will struggle to build and sustain meaningful relationships.

As I mentioned in the previous section, self-intimacy may be challenging because you were socialized to believe you are unlovable. What do I mean by this? When we are young we are learning how to relate to and understand, not just the rest of the world, but also ourselves. So we build the blueprint for how we will relate to ourselves, based on how our early caregivers relate to us. Unfortunately, this means if you feel unloved or uncared for by your early caregivers – even if you don’t realize that is how you feel – you are likely to view yourself as unlovable or invaluable and to treat yourself accordingly. These feelings and beliefs become the infrastructure of our subconscious. For example, if you were responded to with annoyance or anger every time you cried or were playful, you are likely to distort your sadness or inspiration as an adult. You are likely to disconnect from the emotion so quickly that you may not even recognize the experience in the first place.

Developing self-intimacy means acknowledging the original blueprint you were given of how to relate to yourself, and giving yourself the permission to edit it. So that you can create a safe internal environment to feel what you actually feel and think what you actually think. One activity that can be helpful for increasing awareness of the unloving voices in your head, and therefore getting past them, is the morning pages exercises from the book An Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.

Each morning, immediately after waking up, write 3 pages of stream of consciousness thoughts. Julia Cameron says there’s no wrong way to write morning pages, there’s nothing you “should” write about and nothing is off limits. Just let your thoughts flow naturally. Over time, you will become more familiar with the negative voices in your head and able to separate from them enough to begin disbelieving them, and you will also be able to hear your true voice more clearly.

If you feel like you don’t love yourself as much as you want to yet, take hope in knowing that you already have everything you need to begin deepening your self love right now. It takes bravery to take stock of where you are on your journey, so be proud of your honesty. And know that this isn’t your fault. We do not come into the world knowing how to love ourselves or anyone else, it is something we must learn. And if we are given harmful lessons, it may be our responsibility to unlearn them but we are not to blame for what we learned. The journey of self-love lasts a lifetime, so be patient with yourself, go gently and enjoy the process.

Healing Seedling

Self-Intimacy Heidi Priebe

hi everyone,

I hope you are safe and warm during this snow. I just want to say thank you x a million for all the love on my last post ! Felt a little nervous sharing my inner world but I can’t wait to keep writing :)

but for now I have a special announcement ….. drumroll….

WE ARE HOSTING AN EVENT THIS SATURDAY 1/31 AT GROUNDED

Grounded is a black woman owned plant shop, cafe, and wellness studio. They are dedicated to fostering a deep connection with the natural world and bringing together community in DC!

you’re invited to Personal Curriculum - a book gifting soirée , an afternoon to slow down and get intentional about what you’re learning — not in school, not for work, but for yourself.

So much of life is shaped by what we take in: the books we read, the conversations we have, the routines we keep, the voices we listen to. This afternoon is about creating your own personal curriculum — the ideas, practices, and rhythms that support you.

We’ll spend time in conversation and journaling — and everyone will receive a mystery book that connects to the theme they chose (please fill out the book form). Nothing performative, just a cozy space to pause, reset, and be intentional about who we’re becoming <3

* P.S bring your journal and a soft heart *

TICKETS ARE LIVE BELOW

sales close THURSDAY 11PM or until we sell out.

Fill out the book form so we can buy your book for you <3

PERSONAL CURRICULUM RSVP

BOOK FORM <3

Choosing yourself is not selfish. It is a radical act of exploration. You are an ecosystem. How often do you ask yourself who am I ? Do you allow yourself to look for the routes that bring you back to the real version of you? I have never really been good at geography, nonetheless, the map or compass if you will - of our lives, hardly ever points north.

I’d like to think there is a world where I can put myself first without guilt or feeling like my dreams have to be smaller for someone else. A place where I have time to ask myself these questions. who are you when you spent most of your life being what everyone else wanted you to be? maybe that is who you are ? maybe parts of you? maybe you spent time being what someone needed ? maybe you are afraid of the discovery? maybe you want to be someone different now ? I challenge you to find your north star, the one that points you back to yourself. It gives you hope and meaning.

Today, I would like to introduce you to the concept of a north star, by definition it is

“a constant source of guidance, inspiration, or a fundamental purpose, much like the star Polaris guides navigators; it represents your core values, a guiding principle, a significant person in your life, or a strategic focus that provides direction, clarity, and meaning, helping you and others stay true to a path even amidst challenges.”

Maybe the ecosystem you are in search of isn’t external at all.
Maybe it isn’t a place, a person, or even a version of life you haven’t reached yet.
Maybe it’s internal — a way of operating, a network of pathways in your own mind and body.

A kind of alignment that isn’t about belonging to the world, but about belonging to self.A soft, steady channel that says: you’re allowed to be here as you are.

I read something recently that stayed with me. It said:
“Your north star isn’t fixed. It will change and give you the tools to access your next north star. Find the thing that lights you up today, tomorrow, this month, the next couple years — and embrace when it inevitably changes.”

That feels true. Maybe finding your north star isn’t about clarity all at once, but about learning how to listen. About allowing yourself to become, again and again.

Here’s what that looks like for me — broken down simply.

Body

The first step to finding your north star is to learn through sensation. Find the rhythm at which joy is the highest. Do you prefer slow mornings ? Does your stomach growl when you drink coffee on an empty stomach ? Do you wake up relaxed when you get good sleep ? Do a 7 day test run. Sometimes the 30 day challenges feel intimidating. So for 7 days just pay attention. Move in a way that feels grounding.

• Notice when your body feels open vs. avoidant

• Try to incorporate walking, stretching, slow yoga - see if any thoughts/ideas come up

• Pay attention to what energizes you versus what drains you (bonus points: if you write it down)

• Listen to your physical cues for rest and reflection

Mind

Next, I want you to clear your mind. Consider this like a spring cleaning but for your brain and your nervous system. I want you to be careful here though. This is NOT a “rebrand” I just want you to declutter things that don’t serve this version of you. You are not selling a product or marketing campaign. Your north star is 9 times out of 10 not the same as the person on instagram. The focus is you now. In your journal - draw a fig tree titled “ *insert name*’s fig tree”. So mine is Cindy’s fig tree. This is where you will draw a tree with several branches of your interests, and principles that guide you, people, dreams you want to accomplish etc. This is like our rough draft to the north star. (Side note: it’s okay to have multiple different interests. ) Look at this often, remind yourself of these things that guide you. Tend to your figs. During this 7 day test run maybe try working on 1 of the things on your tree. The important thing is you don’t want your figs to rot. Don’t leave your ideas and dreams behind waiting to decide which is the right one.

Heart

What you take in shapes how you feel

Try:

• Watching YouTube videos that feel expansive rather than performative

• Listening to conversations that make you feel seen, not rushed

• Reading slowly, without the pressure to “finish”
  

One of my favorite youtubers Tammy Mai posted a video “you don’t need to rebrand yourself” referencing Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own. Her book reminds us that clarity often comes from solitude — “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” Your heart needs safety and warmth and room to wander before it can arrive anywhere meaningful.

Spirit

This is probably the most important section. Whatever you choose to guide your spirit ultimately can be your foundation for a beautiful life. Prayer is what brings me peace. I believe God created us with a purpose and a plan that is far greater than we can even dream of. I practice prayer daily as a form of dedication but also as a reminder that he is in control. Whatever you may be going through, whatever made you click on this post, he already knows, he’s already came up with a solution, he is already bringing you the resources you need to get it done. We often feel the weight of all of our choices thinking that if we choose the wrong fig, if we pick the wrong partner, if we choose the wrong job, our life is over. God offers me a way out of the tunnel regardless of the number of obstacles or detours I take. Psalm 23: 1 “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing”

Body:

• Learn through sensation → 7 day body rest

Mind:

• Draw a fig tree → its okay to be multifaceted

Heart:

• What you take in shapes how you feel → read virginia woolf’s a room of one’s own

Spirit:

• Prayer is what brings me peace

Seedling

If you’re not sure where to begin, start small. Start with noticing. There’s a book I recommend called The Beauty of Everyday Things by Yanagi Sōetsu. It isn’t loud or instructive. It doesn’t tell you how to optimize your life or become someone else. Instead, it gently reminds you that meaning already exists in the ordinary — in the way light hits a table, in the ritual of making tea, in the care we give to small moments. Reading it feels like slowing your breath without realizing you were holding it. If your north star feels unclear, let this be your seedling: pay attention to what’s already here.

XO,

Cindy

Happy new year!

We hope you enjoyed the holidays.

The Healing Garden has been on winter break, so keep an out for your monthly newsletter coming next Monday.

Until then, take care of yourself.

Talk soon,

XO,

HG

Let’s dive in.

I recently left my job. It was an incredibly difficult decision to make. One I agonized over for several months. But I had been feeling burnt out and demoralized for over a year, and work was becoming something that was negatively impacting my quality of life at large. I felt so disconnected from the initial why that led me to pursue the field. So, I decided it was time to go.

If you hate your job, you likely find yourself in a similar position. My hope is that this newsletter can offer you the support that would’ve been helpful for me when deciding if it was time to make a change, or at least helps you revive the motivation for choosing the opportunity to begin with.

Stay or leave, I hope this newsletter makes it a bit easier to clarify and make the decision that is right for you, and gives you resources to reconnect with a sense of what is personally meaningful for you, in your work and beyond.

According to author Daniel Pink in his book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, job satisfaction comes down to three major components.

Autonomy - the desire to direct our own lives and have control over our work

Mastery - the urge to get better and better at something that matters to us

Purpose - the yearning to do what we do in the service of something larger than ourselves

If you find yourself dreading the day ahead every time you wake up during the week, the issue likely stems from a lack of one of those three components. Perhaps you feel the systems you are required to work in don’t mesh well with how your energy fluctuates throughout the day, or you want to be given more opportunities to sharpen existing or develop new skills. Or maybe, you have changed so much since starting the position, or experienced something demoralizing, such that the work no longer feels meaningful.

This newsletter is going to focus on steps you can take to begin moving towards hating your job less if you are experiencing an issue within one of the three categories of job satisfaction. If you are in a toxic workplace, perhaps it is time to start getting serious about making financial plans, and exploring other options, so that you can leave your position, altogether. No job is worth your peace of mind. But, if your workplace isn’t outright toxic here are some ways you can potentially improve a not so inspiring situation, whether you’re making changes where you are or looking to take a leap to something else.

Body

To change your life so that you can begin working towards greater career fulfillment, you first need a very clear sense of where you are starting. It’s easy to get caught up in general statements of disliking one’s job, but there are a variety of reasons that can be the cause. Get specific. Do you hate the environment you’re in? The majority of the tasks you are required to do?

Give yourself at least a week to track your daily activities. At the end of each day, rank what activities gave you energy, which were neutral and which depleted your energy. At the end of a week, you can look back on the data you’ve collected and begin to get a picture of which kinds of activities are most contributing to your lack of job satisfaction.

This will help you start to brainstorm what pivoting can look like—whether it’s working with your supervisors to craft your days around activities you prefer or using the data to inform a search for a better fitting opportunity. Knowing what environments and activities are most energizing for you can help you increase both your sense of autonomy and mastery in your current or a new position.

You will feel like you have more control, because you consciously crafted or chose a position that fits your interests, and more mastery because you will be more invested in improving your ability to execute those activities since you are genuinely interested in doing them.

Mind

Taking the above activity of identifying energy drainers versus energy givers a step further, the next suggestion for moving towards greater career fulfillment is to adjust your mindset when searching for new opportunities from prioritizing job titles to prioritizing what your daily activities would look like in a specific role.

The prior activity can empower you to minimize activities that drain you and maximize the ones that energize you. This activity can help you go even further, by giving you a basis upon which to plan your career as though it were more about personal development than simply paying your bills or chasing prestige.

Consider what skills you want to develop, what you would like to learn, what experiences you would like to have. Deprioritizing the title of a job can help you more clearly see the opportunities for your growth as a professional.

To help create a job search that is more aligned with what you genuinely enjoy and how you want to develop over the course of your career you can use the task over title exercise from the book Think Big, by Grace Lordan.

Consider the lists of tasks, which ones do you enjoy doing the most? which are areas that you’d like to grow in?

Once you have an idea, talking with your supervisor about incorporating these tasks more can be a great way to increase job satisfaction, show initiative and make yourself more valuable to your team. If you’re wanting to make a change, look for opportunities that require these tasks as a part of your day-to-day work and avoid judging a position—positively or negatively—based on it’s title.

These tasks are just a starting point, and considering what tasks give you energy, or what peaks your curiosity outside of work can also be helpful.

Heart

Don’t be afraid of changing jobs!

Disliking your job and not knowing exactly where to go instead can take a huge emotional toll. Work defines so much of our lives. And the fear of what will happen if you leave can make you feel stuck.

Change is ultimately a natural part of life. Sometimes we think we’re protecting ourselves by resisting change, but because change is inevitable, it’s actually healthier to embrace it. Of course, I’m not advocating for burning bridges or turning a blind eye to the state of your finances. But sometimes, we don’t even let ourselves make an exit strategy because we think there is virtue in sticking things out past their lifespan or that nothing better waits for us. When these are stories we’ve told ourselves about things that are actually just unknown.

If you need to gear up to taking the full plunge, that is totally understandable, you could start by following your curiosity. Identify one thing you are interested in—let’s say journalism for example—and research programs you could participate in while still holding down your 9-5, to expose yourself to other potential life paths. This can help you visualize all the ways a transition could go right, instead of all the ways it could go wrong.

To take this a step further you could do the Other Lives exercise presented by author Bill Burnett in this Ted Talk.

He starts describing the exercise at the 10 minute mark, but the whole talk is also really great.

Spirit

Ultimately, fulfillment in not just our careers but in life overall is dependent on a clear and deep sense of meaning. It is our nature to seek a sense of purpose and to want to have a positive impact on the world around us. It is a necessary part of a healthy life and thriving psyche to feel your life is truly significant.

Often, our early experiences in the workforce can be so misaligned with our expectations that it erodes our ability to connect with a sense of purpose and what we find deeply meaningful.

And, during our young adulthood we and our lives are changing so much and so rapidly that often we need to clarify and update what meaning looks like for us and adjust our lives and careers to fit this changing definition.

To reconnect with a sense of what is personally meaningful for you and how you would like to impact our world, I would start by asking yourself questions about mattering. In the book Languishing, author Corey Keyes defines mattering as believing you and your life are significant and that you’re making a contribution to this world. This contribution can come from, “raising a family or through our passion for or success in our careers,” writes Keyes.

The book emphasizes how a sense of your mattering is crucial for psychological wellbeing. Sometimes, as we change, or as we realize our chosen career paths are not what we anticipated, our sense that our lives and our work matter can disappear.

Rediscovering my personal why in life—the deep personal purpose that drives all I do in life in one way or another—has been incredibly helpful for beginning to reconnect with my sense of living a significant life, and for providing a framework for how to think about and search for what work might be most meaningful to dedicate myself to.

Seedling

Try Simon Sinek’s Why Discovery exercise to help you begin to reconnect with a sense of your personal why and begin to clarify how to implement it into your career and life overall.

This video offers a shortened version of his why discovery exercise, and if you’re interested, you can find a full course on his website.

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for an incredible turn out at the Cup of Hope Donation Drive!

If you missed it, this past weekend, the Healing Garden collaborated with @others.coffee to host our second donation drive for new mothers! We collected all kinds of baby essentials— 3,796 wipes, 1,111 diapers, 15 toys/bottles and 29 sets/onesies— all to be donated to the organization Community of Hope. We collected almost $900 worth of items (literally insane) and hand packed them into postpartum kits for new mothers! We even wrote little personal notes to include in each bag as a word of encouragement to all the mothers. The notes were just as sweet as our vanilla fig chai <3

We had so much fun meeting everyone and sharing chai lattes! I am always in awe of how much you all pour into our little community and I just want you to know that YOU are part of someone’s story, their joy, and their healing. We can’t wait to do it again! Happy Holidays everyone, remember to rest, you are doing more than enough, wherever you are in this season … you can always make yourself a cup of hope :)

XO,

HG

our donation drive is back — this time as a vanilla fig chai 🤎☕️!

Cup of Hope is our way of pouring love to all the moms in the DMV — we will be collecting donations for Community of Hope, a D.C. nonprofit nurturing mothers and families with midwifery care, postpartum support, and housing assistance. Together, we’re building postpartum care kits to remind new moms they’re not alone.

We are teaming up with our friends @others.coffee on Nov 15 + 16, 9am–4pm.

1722 Florida Ave NW, Washington DC 20009

As part of our love for all of you, we are serving a special cup of hope.

Come try our VANILLA FIG CHAI 🫶🏽 - fresh fig jam, vanilla bean syrup, chai, and your choice of milk, hot or iced :)

you can also write your own little “note of hope” as encouragement to add to your donation.

come sip, write, and be apart of someone’s healing 🎀

if you can’t make it, feel free to donate to our link here :

DONATE <3

XOXO,

The Healing Garden

Whenever I’m walking with someone they often ask me, “why are you walking so fast?” My habitual explanation has been, “I’m a city girl, this is the pace we walk,” but recently I’ve noticed that I do everything like I’m on 1.5 speed, even when I’m in my house, and if something slows me down I can get really irritated. I was aware that this nonstop rushing and my inability to turn it off was related to job stress, but when I started to get frustrated that it was impacting my life outside of work it was helpful to learn about hurry sickness.

Hurry sickness is a chronic sense of urgency. The concept was coined by Meyer Friedman and Ray Rosenman in their 1974 book “Type A Behavior and Your Heart.” It is characterized by habitually rushing and a constant sense of pressure to accomplish more, and to do it as quickly as possible.

You may find yourself always feeling rushed, walking or talking unnecessarily fast, always feeling behind schedule, constantly multi-tasking or going over your to-do list, and feeling easily irritated by even minor delays. And while not a medically recognized diagnosis, the pattern of behavior can have a wide range of negative impacts on your health holistically.

Hurry sickness can be developed in response to a wide variety of factors and as the pace of modern life in our culture increases, we become more susceptible to adopting this way of being. Some of the main causes of hurry sickness are: implicit learning from cultural expectations, high demand schedules, and perfectionism.

When we live our lives in a constant state of hurry and under a chronic sense of pressure to achieve, our nervous systems get stuck in “fight or flight” mode. This has many adverse impacts on our health: fatigue, headaches, weakened immunity, anxiety and overwhelm which can lead to high blood pressure, hypertension and other issues.

Hurry sickness can also make it more difficult to relax even when you are not actively doing something or enjoy yourself when you are trying to have a good time, and can contribute to more painful periods as a result of increased stress.

If you’re dealing with hurry sickness (like all the rest of us), we see you. The whole system of modern life isn’t going to change overnight, and while it needs to in many ways - there’s a lot of others in which we wouldn’t like it to (I like being able to Facetime folks).

But, there are resources that can enable you to live a more relaxed life in your body, regardless of what the rest of the world is doing.

Here’s how:

Body

Stress sends hormones throughout your body signaling that it needs to prepare to take action. That’s great, until you are under stress for so long, that your nervous system thinks it needs to stay there even when the situation that triggered the stress is over. Hurry sickness is the result of this extended stress state. Your nervous system is stalled in fight or flight mode. To assist your body out of fight or flight mode and into the opposite - rest and digest mode - you need to signal to your nervous system that it is safe to make this switch.

Basically, your nervous system is in overdrive so you have to manually trigger the parasympathetic nervous system because your body has gotten confused about when to trigger it automatically.

Here are two practices for helping your body make that switch and retraining it to be able to relax when it’s safe to do so.

Trauma Release Exercise

Aka TRE, is a set of exercises that trigger the body’s natural reflex to shake or vibrate. This reflex releases muscular tension that builds up in the body as a response to stress and trauma and returns the body back to a balanced state and the nervous system to a rest and digest state.

Watching someone shake, or doing it yourself, can feel and look pretty bizarre if it’s the first time you’ve ever seen or encountered it. I was definitely very shocked when I first saw it, because I had no idea that this is a part of how the body copes with stress and trauma. But it’s completely natural.

Most mammals shake after traumatic experiences to release the tension and stress from their bodies. Humans have simply been societally groomed to suppress this natural stress response.

When I practice TRE I always feel extremely relaxed and yawn a bunch - a sure sign of parasympathetic nervous system activation - and sometimes it even makes me cry. I highly recommend being open minded. Find a place where you feel comfortable and you won’t be disturbed, put all the notifications on dnd and try this follow along exercise led by the creator of TRE himself, Dr. David Berceli:

Or, if you’re not ready for all that, you can learn more about TRE on the official website:

• https://treglobal.org/what-is-tre/

Nature

This suggestion comes as no surprise. Being in nature is instantly calming for our nervous system for a variety of reasons - for example fractal patterns naturally occur all throughout nature like in leaf and cloud patterns. Our brains themselves display fractal patterns in their structure making them easy to understand, and because we evolved in nature we are “fluent” in processing fractal structures. This self-similarity and evolutionary familiarity makes fractal patterns calming to observe. In addition, observing fractal patterns causes the brain to produce alpha waves and can reduce stress by up to 60%.

(Also, did you know that the sound of birds chirping calms the nervous system down, because historically it has meant the absence of a predator? How cool!)

Don’t underestimate the power of spending time in nature. I personally make it a priority to “nature bathe” at least once a week - I love to sit by the water in rock creek park (DC wya?) on Saturdays. I always come away feeling so much calm and clarity, even when nothing that’s stressing me out has actually changed.

Start small. Try spending 5-10 minutes in a park near you at least once this week, not walking outside to go somewhere, just sitting mindfully in nature. This is time for you. Intentionally turn off the whirlwind of your internal dialogue, breathe deeply and just enjoy the sunlight on your skin and the birds singing.

Mind

Energy Audit

The ‘energy audit’ is an exercise I created for myself to organize my mental space. Hurry sickness can be a huge drain on mental energy because a long to do list and uncompleted tasks create open loops in your brain. This exercise helps me center myself, decreasing my overwhelm, and makes it way easier to prioritize what I need to do.

First, make four lines with a point at either end. Label each line mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Either side of each line represents how I’m feeling. For example, the left side of my mental energy line is labeled chaotic and the right side is labeled clear. I choose these labels because I know personally when I’m at my lowest levels of mental energy my mind feels disorganized and chaotic, and when I’m at highest levels of mental energy my mind feels orderly and clear (and I feel on top of things and calm!).

When I’m doing the exercise I take a moment to ask myself how I feel one category at a time and I put a point on the line that represents how close I feel to either end of the spectrum.

Next, write 1-2 sentences about why your energy is at the level it is for each category.

Lastly, consider what is contributing to your level of energy in each category and think about the top 1-2 actions you can take to move yourself to the higher end of the spectrum.

To increase my energy. I prioritize what actions I will take based on what category of my energy is the lowest. So if my mental energy is the lowest on a specific day, I will plan to complete whatever action item - let’s say 10 minutes of meditation - I decide would help me first. Then if my emotional energy is second lowest, I complete an action to increase my emotional energy next.

This exercise might sound like a lot of work, but it usually only takes me about 30 minutes at most, and it helps me think so much more clearly and feel like I’m using my time and energy more productively. It also helps me feel more connected to and cared for by myself amidst the overwhelm of hurry sickness.

And in the long run it ends up giving me back more time and energy because it helps me move away from a place of reacting to my life and instead towards managing it more productively, by allowing me to plan my day around action items for each category as much as I can, instead of trying to fit self-care in when I get a chance.

Make the exercise your own, label the ends of each of your lines with what feels like your experiences at your lowest and highest energy levels in each category. Or, if you’re more of a visual thinker, switch things up and draw a similar exercise. The goal is to ground yourself and move forward from a more clear place.

Heart

Self-compassion/Awareness

A huge contributor to hurry sickness is the pressure to perform and a sense of perfection. This is because perfection is unattainable. So, your effort is never sufficient. You’re never happy with the end results you produce. That’s “how to burn out 101”. And of course perfectionism can be a huge contributor to procrastinating, which can make you feel more overwhelmed and pressured as you get close to deadlines and due dates.

Treating yourself with compassion means letting go of a narrative of perfectionism. Constantly telling yourself that your best is not good enough is unkind. You do not need to be harsh with yourself in order to be ambitious and successful. In fact, healing a perfectionistic mindset can improve your performance, because perfectionism is based in a fixed mindset - either I am good enough right now or I am not - but healthy ambition thrives on the foundation of a growth mindset - I can take imperfect action because it will help me learn, grown, and develop my capabilities.

When you adopt a growth mindset, you will become less afraid of failure and more able to embrace challenges and feedback, all vital skills for achieving your goals and growing over time.

To begin unlearning perfectionism and replacing it with a self-compassionate inner voice you need to be aware of how you speak to yourself about your abilities, talent, and performance - do you take time to intentionally appreciate your hard work? Are you allowed to make mistakes?

Take time to listen to the narratives in your mind. Sometimes what we dismiss as random or passing thoughts and emotions are evidence of harsh internal critics.

If perfectionism is something you feel is really impacting your emotional wellbeing, I encourage you to begin to practice listening to how you speak to yourself. The simple intention to pay closer attention will help you focus internally. You can also set a timer for midday and when it goes off ask yourself, “how am I speaking to myself right now?” Awareness is the first step to changing our internal dialogue.

If you feel like you already have a foundation of awareness of your self-talk, but still struggle to change the story, I would encourage you to journal. Pick a reoccurring thought that is unhelpful and ask yourself where this idea comes from, pay attention to the emotion it causes. If awareness is hearing your thoughts, this could be thought of as listening. Don’t try to think up answers when you ask yourself questions, give your brain space to respond. You might find yourself surprised at how easily you can uncover semi-conscious thoughts, and how much insight about your thought process that can lead to.

For more guidance on practical steps to developing self compassion check out https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/ a resource created by a leading psychologist in the field of self-compassion, Dr. Kristin Neff.

Spirit

Affirmations

For a long time, affirmations really annoyed me. I found most of them to be toxically positive, or just uninspiring. Affirmation started to feel more impactful for me when I actually listened to the harmful or painful thoughts my brain was saying, and created encouragement that was actually what I needed to hear.

If you have hurry sickness, chances are you’ve been rushing or grinding or burnt out for an extended amount of time. Recovering from hurry sickness is a process. It’s not going to happen overnight, and it is not going to happen without intention.

One of the best ways to be intentional is to address the root of your hurry sickness mindset. You may not be able to control the external boundaries that contribute to your frame of mind, but you can begin to establish an internal mindset that can translate into boundaries for interacting with your external environment.

A natural continuation of the exercise from the Mind section in which you listen to your harmful self-talk is -after you’ve allowed yourself to experience and process your painful emotions - giving yourself permission to change the narrative.

The negative stories in our minds have come from external sources. But you are allowed to decide what you want to believe about yourself, and you need to hear it, just as much if not more than how much you heard what you no longer want to believe about yourself.

Creating an affirmation that truly feels personally powerful starts with deeply listening to yourself. If you listen you will learn the specific hurts you experienced, and to fully feel them, without judgment, is to heal them. If you listen, you will also hear other thoughts. Thoughts about what you truly find meaningful, and what you truly want to believe about yourself.

Once you’ve processed a painful narrative, ask yourself, “what would you like to believe about yourself instead?” Again, don’t try to think of an answer, listen for what comes up naturally.

Have patience with yourself. We have been taught to prioritize external perspectives and expectations over our own. It can take time to feel safe enough to hear our own voices again. But your voice is still there. Commit to developing self-compassion and keep creating the space to deeply listen to yourself. You have the answers you need inside of you.

Healing Seedling:

Developing the practices and habits that support your ability to nurture yourself and sustainably strive for your fullest joy is a process. But it starts with taking it seriously, and being committed to healing the part of yourself that doubts you deserve it.

If you want to heal your hurry sickness - or you just want to reclaim more space for ease and joy in your life - start by experimenting with the exercises and practices introduced here, and start with this healing seedling:

Book Suggestion: The Relaxed Woman, Nicola Jane Hobbs

We’re so excited you’re here!

Ok, so here’s what you can expect from the HG Newsletter:

We’ll be here every other Monday at 9am with a fresh newsletter to start your week off strong with insight, inspiration and connection with the community.

Each newsletter will be a conversation about something impacting our holistic health and address four categories of wellbeing:

• Body

  • Here we’ll discuss how to grow, heal or thrive physically in relation to the newsletter topic

• Mind

  • Here we’ll discuss how to grow, heal or thrive mentally in relation to the newsletter topic

• Heart

  • Here we’ll discuss how to grow, heal or thrive emotionally in relation to the newsletter topic

• Spirit

  • Here we’ll discuss how to grow, heal and thrive spiritually in relation to the newsletter topic.

• We’ll also discuss how the newsletter topic connects to what we might be experiencing on a collective level whether that’s as a community, city, country or world wide, and how we can care for the collective.

• Seedling

  • Each newsletter will end with a practical take away - whether it’s a podcast suggestion or an invitation to try a new practice - to challenge and support you in continuing your journey of healing, growing and thriving!

In each category you can expect a mix of resources, introduction to holistic practices, book suggestions, insights, and encouragement!

Lastly, you can expect the newsletter to be another place that keeps you up to date with what HG is doing IRL, so you can come hang out with us!

So we’ll see you back here bright and early next Monday November 3rd.

Before you go, let us know what holistic health topics you’re interested in having a conversation about in this space.

Anything goes from gut health and herbal medicine to emotional intelligence and building friendship. Just let us know.

Talk to you soon love

XO,

HG

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